幸福在哪里

The weight of the world is love. Under the burden of solitude, under the burden of dissatisfaction. 

Underlying all occupations and all pleasures I have felt since early youth is the pain of solitude. I have escaped it most nearly in moments of love, yet even there, on reflection, I have found that the escape depended partly upon illusion. I have known no woman to whom the claims of intellect were as absolute as they were to me, and wherever intellect intervened, I have found that the sympathy I sought in love was apt to fail. What Spinoza called ''the intellectual love of God'' has seemed to me the best thing to live by, but I have not had even the somewhat abstract God that Spinoza allowed himself . . . I have loved a ghost, and in loving a ghost my inmost self has become spectral . . . my most profound feelings have remained always solitary and have found in human things no companionship. The sea, the stars, the night wind in waste places, mean more to me than even the human beings I love best, and I am conscious that human affection is to me at bottom an attempt to escape from the vain search for God.

怀念这个词必然是针对过去的

很想找个人说句话，但是又怕不被理解而显得愚蠢。
这种感觉是最难受的。

being innate, the solitude that one bears will always be present, either consciously or not, and the only way to lessen such a solitude is intimacy with other human beings. 

Even the deepest human love cannot permanently offset the innate loneliness that's within every human heart. 

我直到今天才发现，在国内的那将近3个月我完全潜意识的情况下几乎每天都在听bob marley的Legend。或许我自己在告诉自己那些日子就像天天都在飞一样，什么都是美好的。所以现在再听这些歌的时候就会很清楚的想起那种感觉。人的身体果然是最诚实的。也许有些东西就是永远都忘不了的。

我将在一个星期内建立一个新blog，还不是很确定是否要继续维持目前这个。
就像罗素说的，到现在为止我说出来的所有东西都是我并不成功的想说一些其他东西的尝试。那么长时间以来，我总想试着说出点什么，可从来没有达到目的。每次觉得似乎说出来，最终还是发现那都是幻觉。挺悲惨的。

我必须承认，其实我也是很向往力铭说的那种每天晚上泡壶茶，坐在窗户边上看着月亮什么都不想的生活。
前提条件是我能不被emotionally bound to the external world

抓住时间就等于审视上帝。